Umur- checked.
Rupa- checked.
Apa lagi tungguuu??"
Kata seorang kawan dalam laman twitter.
Statement itu beliau tujukan khas untukku. Entah apa angin yang merasuknya malam tu pun aku tak tahu.
Aku membaca statement itu sambil tergelak-gelak sopan.
Of course the comment is a bit flattering on the rupa part. Entah what he meant by that Idk, but I'd like to disagree and prefer the word 'decent look'. That is enough.
As I read the statement, I realized that he was forgetting the most important part/fact! That the calon is nott evenn theree!
That was what I answered to him.
"Choyy!" He replied not accepting my answer.
Even him did not accept my answer! Whether he did not believe what I had just said or apa I don't know.
But what I do know is that, that is the fact. I could not think of anyone at that moment. I could not believe it myself that I ended up laughing at myself so hard that night trying to figure out the reason why. I just could not believe it.
Soon I realized that the most frustrating part is not because I didn't have anyone as calon, but because to just come up with a potential list pun I couldn't. That I did not even try.
.
..
...
Entah.
Sambil taip this entry pun aku masih lagi tertanya-tanya.
How did this happen?
What have I been doing all this while?
Did I not open my eyes wide enough selama ni?
Not because they are not good enough, they ARE. In fact, most of them that I knew are good muslimah (because if they are not, I would not be friend with them in the first place). I could recommend any of them to friends. It's just that I didn't really pay attention to this until I finished my degree.
I admit that I don't have that many girl friends.
From school memang takde lansung. Nature of my school. Tak kenal langsung walau satu kelas.Terus tolak tepi.
Kenalan office pun hanya beberapa. Tapi awal-awal dah tolak tepi sebab tak prefer langsung orang yang kerja tempat macam aku tu and tak prefer pun someone yang kenal kat tempat kerja. Zaman dah ada kepentingan.
What left is zaman foundation and degree masa kat UIA la. Itu pun takdelah ramai mana. Setakat classmate and society yang aku join je. This was the one place where I was supposed to really get to know someone, hati budinya. Tempat yang belum ada kepentingan apa-apa. It has to be from this group of people.
but those are the things that I DID NOT do. After all this while.
Now, I am lost. The 3 years of study all gone. And I could not turn back time to really get to know anyone in Uni anymore.
Dan sebab itu jugalah aku ketawa tak pasal-pasal malam tu. Mengenangkan apa yang dah terlepas.
Zaman kerja ni susah sebenarnya nak mencari semula.
Moving forward, aku serahkan pada takdir sajalah.
Apa yang pasti, sampai sekarang aku tak pasti the reason why, and sampai sekarang jugaklah aku tersengih memikirkan pasal ni. Tapi hidup ni kita teruskan sajalah. Apa yang akan datang pun kita tak tahu.
Kisah yang macam kelakar tapi tak kelakar mana pun. Aku ketawa pun dengan ketawa yang paling hambar sekali. Paling tawar.
p/s: Masih tak boleh terima why didn't I grab the opportunity to know a lot more people and to really get to know someone.Anyone. Takdir is takdir bro, usaha? Haihh :/
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