Tuesday, 4 November 2014



Aku tahu merempit time balik kerja lalu Jalan Genting Klang tu bahaya..

Aku tau speeding sambil mencilok kiri kanan kereta kat jalan tu bahaya.. Tapi aku buat juga..





Dan aku terus press minyak kuat2 bagi motor tu speed selaju mungkin dalam kesibukan senja/malam itu..

Entah aku sendiri pun tak tahu apa yang aku sedang kejar..


Ataupun sebenarnya aku cuba lari..







p/s: Kalau mak tau habislah ni..

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

#87: Chasing shadow


I love the way you interact with people around you

I love the way you are very kind to others, very polite and witty all at the same time

I love the way you carefully choose your words

So that everything that comes from you is the words of kindness, the words of heaven and the words of inspirations.

None of which would hurt anyone, making you the more lovable and more adorable

Maybe it just comes naturally from you without you choosing

What a true reflection of a pure and sincere heart of yours.

A heart that filled with generosity, humility, love, kind and compassion.

Making you the more loved and respected by people around you.

Making you a true inspiration and one of a kind, .

I am so certain that those of you have never changed and never will, ever.

If they have, I am so sure that they are for the better.

And today, I couldn't have been more right.


"عندما يكون الحب في الله، لا يموت"
"When love is for the sake of Allah, it does not die"


You are counting hours to come home, are you?

It has been a while.

Saturday, 18 October 2014

#86: Mutiara berharga


Sewaktu aku di Kisas dulu, seorang alumni/senior pernah berpesan:

"kutiplah mutiara-mutiara yang berharga yang ada di sekolah ini, sebab bila anda mula menjejaki dunia luar..cabaran hidup di luar sana akan menguji prinsip prinsip hidup yang kita pegang selama ini , ia datang dari pelbagai penjuru dan sudut dalam bentuk yang kita tak sangka...."

"..dah keluar nanti baru anda tahu betapa dahsyat nya cabaran cabaran tersebut...kalian akan rindukan tarbiah yang kalian dapat di sini.. Justeru kutiplah sebanyak mana tarbiah yang ada di sini untuk menjadi bekal untuk hidup di luar sana.. " sambungnya lagi.

Pesan itu beliau sampaikan di Musolla Saidina Ali sebaik sahaja kami selesai menunaikan solat Asar secara berjemaah. Dalam sesi tazkirah selepas Asar.

Beliau adalah senior atas setahun dariku dan sedang menyambung pelajaran di peringkat persediaan sebelum ke Overseas. Kedatangan beliau ke kisas hari itu ternyata untuk mengutip kembali mutiara yang hilang atau tertinggal di sekolah itu. Rindu katanya. Aku juga rindu akan bumi waqafan itu sebenarnya, belum pernah menjejak kaki semenjak hari aku ambil result SPM pada 2007.

Dalam kesunyian subuh pada pagi Sabtu ini, aku dibangunkan dengan ingatan kepada pesanan senior tersebut.

Mutiara berharga yang disebutkan itu adalah tarbiyah Islamiyyah yang kami terima semasa di sekolah itu.

Aku masih ingat  pesanan itu sampai hari ini sebab ketika itu aku berasa  begitu teruja  untuk mengetahui apakah yang dimaksudkan dengan "cabaran hidup di luar sana". Aku belum dapat memahami konteks ayat tersebut pada ketika itu. curious.

Apa yang hebat sangat cabaran kat luar tu sampai prinsip prinsip hidup pun akan teruji?
Betul ke apa yang dia cakap tu?
Macam mana rasanya?
Mungkin bagi aku tak teruji sangat kot?

Macam macam persoalan yang bermain di kepala ketika itu.

*********************

Hari ini aku menelan segala apa yang beliau cakap kan.

Hari ini aku mengiyakan setiap butir yang beliau pesan tempoh hari.

Hari ini jika aku hadir melawat sekolah itu, tentu pesanan yang sama juga akan aku sampaikan kepada adik-adik.

Tidak sedikit prinsip prinsip hidup ini seakan terhakis apabila sudah merasai "hidup di luar sana" itu. Hidup yang sungguh 'bebas'

Sampai kadang kala jadi rindu pada Tarbiyah Islamiyyah yang pernah kita dapat dulu.

Rindu pada suasananya. Rindu pada bi'ah solehah nya.

Hati kecil meronta untuk kembali ke zaman itu. 

Hati kecil meronta mencari suasana seperti itu dalam kehidupan hari ini.

Semoga diri aku sendiri boleh hidupkan mutiara berharga itu dalam diri ini.

Sunday, 12 October 2014

#85: Changes


Its funny how people can change in a matter of few years, including  myself.

Look at you in the mirror now, and look at you in the past.

One year back, 3 years back, 5 years back, or even 10 years back.

Look at you now..

How much have you changed.. and are those for the better or the opposite?

And are you proud of yourself now..

or are you more proud of who you were in the past..

Its in you..and you yourselves knew it all along and you cant deny them..

Of course you said that changes are all because of the environment, people around you..

But lets not forget..it is also your own choice..

You chose... And you chose wrong..or maybe right... who knows.



But,

Above all, it is also interesting that there is one thing that has never changed ever since...

This heart.

Because today this heart proves it all over again..

That it has never changed.

Since 2008.


Tuesday, 7 October 2014

#84: Aidiladha

Dear Memory,

I was in my room back at my hometown when I wrote this entry..while everyone has started working on Tuesday after the Raya Aidiladha, here I am, still guling-guling happily..

This year's Raya Haji means a lot to me because I got to experience menyembelih one of the 5 cows myself!

It started last year when the qariah surau agreed to let the young adult to slaughter the lembu under the supervision of Tok Imam. The idea is to expose these young adults with the technical skills as well as the knowledge with regards to the korban.

At first I was thrilled with the idea though. However, I could not convince myself enough to volunteer when asked by the Imam last year. So last year I blew the chance and others got to do it. There were five cows, the Imam did the first one and the youngsters did the rest. (To be honest, I was a lil bit frustrated last year sebab terlepas peluang tu) 

Last year, there were comments by Imam bcoz most of them did not do it neatly and cleanly the first time. Pak Imam has to check a few times to find out whether urat halqum (saluran udara) and urat marih (saluran darah) ware perfectly cut. Some were even struggling to slaughter the lembu and could not find the two urats masa tengah menyembelih.

Pak Imam cakap, parang/pisau sembelih hendaklah diletak/bermula dari bawah dan ditarik ke atas melingkari tengkuk lembu tersebut. By right, sekali tarik keatas sahaja (dengan pisau yang tajam itu) kedua dua urat tersebut sepatutnya putus dengan sekali jalan sahaja.

Tolakan kedua (setelah pisau itu ditarik ke atas, tolak semula ke tempat asal di bawah tanpa angkat pisau) di buat sepatutnya hanya untuk mengemaskan/pastikan sembelihan tu sahaja. So sembelihan yang kemas tak akan lebih dari satu tarikan dari bawah ke atas (untuk memotong urat2 tersebut) dan satu tolakan dari atas kebawah (untuk mengemaskan sembelihan) tanpa mengangkat pisau sembelih.


So this year, I was so determined to do it. without hesitation I just volunteered. yeay.
And I did quite well Alhamdulillah.! 

I did just exactly like Pak Imam told us. Clean. Cuma ada terlebih satu tarikan sebab tak sure sangat. Tapi all in all, Pak Imam diam je the whole proses, takde komen. Yes, I did it!

I guess it helps when you have the experience pernah sembelih ayam sebelum ni.

I think my first experience sembelih ayam was in secondary school. It was all the same concept mcm sembelih ayam kot except that lembu is bigger and the vein is bigger and the diameter of the neck also bigger. Other than that its all the same I guess.

And wow. Darah mencurah-curah ke ladang gandum habaq hang and suprisingly I was okay with that. Lol. (There is something ironic here about this fact. Its something that Im gonna tell you in the continuation of my 20 facts about me. Hmm bila nak tulis tu jangan tanya, I dont have any idea..kemalasan melanda.. kahkah)



So, here is the samurai..!






p/s: ada orang cakap, muka tu kalau buat bengis sikit dah jadi mcm serial killer dah..hahaha

Sunday, 21 September 2014

#83: The 20 things about me (Fact no 1)

Dear Memory,

Merujuk kepada tajuk di atas, si penulis blog ni pun nak buat jugaak. (dia pun nak jugak ish ish... walaupun sebenarnya agak anti juga pada benda2 ngarut yg viral kt media social ni)

Dah lama juga bercadang tulis benda ni kat sini sebab dah takde idea nak tulis apa..tapi malas. But then ada pula seorang makhluk tuhan yang sesuka hatinya memberi cadangan bernas ini kepada tuan empunya blog, jadi kita buat kan juga.. 

Tapi kita tak buat 20 sekaligus lah, nak buat sikit-sikit, as and when idea tu datang, berdasarkan situasi semasa, ataupun bila tiba-tiba terfikir benda tu adalah one of the 20 things tu.

So here it is:

Fact numero uno #1 : I am a Manchester United Fan!




Alkisahnya malam ini baru sahaja kecewa hati hancur berkecai bak kaca dihempas ke batu dengan tak sengaja..

kerana apa?

Haa kerana pasukan favorite baru sahaja kalah kepada Leicester City dalam keadaan yang paling mengecewakan sekali.

Boleh tak selepas MU leading 3-1 tiba-tiba mereka hilang fokus sampailah Leicester dapat kejar 3-3?

Apakah sejadahnya semua ini??

Huwarggh. Ini semua salah Rafael dan Referee! Sesuka hatinya bagi penalti padahal si Vardy pemain Leicester tu berlakon sahajo!

Ha tengok, begitulah ketaksuban brothersayed terhadap MU sampai dilempiaskan segala ketidakpuashatiannya kepada semua orang kecuali pasukan kesayangannya..ha giciuew

Bukan setakat itu, selepas Leicester dapat kejar 3-3 ia tak berakhir disitu.. Kena pulak kad merah sorang defender MU and the nightmare continues...sampailah MU ketinggalan 3-5..

Sob..sob..

Hari yang indah dan warna warni tiba-tiba bertukar gelap dan mendung tahap awan kolumunimbus paling tebal lagi hitam sekali dengan guruh dan kilat sabung menyabung macam ayam sabung kampung pak lebai malang...

Aldemikianlah ceritanya fakta pertama.. Anyway, this is a good lesson to the newly appointed MU manager, Luis Van Gaal because this is the first time he involved in EPL games, 

I think this proves something to him...that EPL has a lot of dramas.. you cant just sit back and feel complacent when you lead the game, you have to do something more..At least, that was what Alex Ferguson (previous MU manager) has taught us the most.. you must continue to be focus, and control the ball possession.

And don't be over confident that you lose focus before it is certain that the win is yours. that is until the referee blow the wisel at the 90th minute.

Sekian, Fakta Pertama.




p/s: MU juga digelar The Red Devils dan dah menang 20 kali EPL. Hamba ada dua jersey MU (AIG &AON) tapi satu dah hilang. sobs

p/s2:  Ye memang seronok pegi ofis weekend2 ni sampai kena sound suruh balik.. muahaha

Saturday, 20 September 2014

#82: Jangan Menyerah

Dear Memory,

Growing up, there are times when things get tough we feel like giving up and couldn't take it anymore..

But lets listen to this song.. It has a very beautiful lyrics. simple yet powerful and meaningful.

I hope it can be a source of inspiration and motivation to us all, to keep us going in this life despite the challenges.





Tak ada manusia
Yang terlahir sempurna
Jangan kau sesali
Segala yang telah terjadi

Kita pasti pernah
Dapatkan cobaan yang berat
Seakan hidup ini
Tak ada artinya lagi

Syukuri apa yang ada
Hidup adalah anugerah
Tetap jalani hidup ini
Melakukan yang terbaik

Tuhan pasti kan menunjukkan
Kebesaran dan kuasanya
Bagi hambanya yang sabar
Dan tak kenal putus asa

Friday, 19 September 2014

#81: Pesan Emak (Leteran?)


"Angah, cepat tengok jadual esok, susun buku dalam beg tu, nanti dah malam ngantuk pulak..!" jerit emak dari dapur.


"Angahh, dah siap belum kerja rumah Bahasa Arab yang ustazah bagi pagi tadi?? Buatlah lekas, nanti tak siapp..!" sambil tangannya mengacau-ngacau adunan tepung persiapan cekodok pisang sarapan esok pagi


"Dah Maghrib azan kat surau tu kan, kenapa masih lagi mengadap Power Rangers lagi tu..? Tutup TV tu sekarang! pegi ikut ayah pegi surau tu !" laung emak dari bilik air sebaik lepas mandi.


"Dah kapur kasut ke belum tu?? Esok dah nak sekolah" kata emak sambil mengibas-ngibas pakaian untuk disidai di ampaian belakang rumah..

"Buat kerja tu cuba cergas sikit, jangan duk nak berlengah-lengah, bermalas-malasan sangat..nanti lambat siap.." bebel emak lagi bila tengok aku tak fokus siapkan kerja sekolah.


*******************

Bebel-bebel pun tak lut.

Buat endah tak endah je.

Last-last si emak juga yang tolong susunkan buku dalam beg. 
Angahnye entah ke mana dah tertidur melingkar depan tv. (Zaman sekolah rendah, bawak buku ikut jadual subjek hari esok...kalau tak bawak nanti, bila cikgu suruh buat latihan takde buku, harusla kena piat telingaa)


Si emak jugaklah yang terlebih risau kerja sekolah angah yang tak siap lagi. 

Emak duk meniarap bersama anak lelakinya yg sorang itu di laman tengah tu sampai tengah malam, tolong bagi sokongan moral untuk si anak siapkan kerja sekolah kena hantar by esok.

Bila ada part yang dah tak reti buat, si angah give up, daripada meniarap jadi terlentang mengalah, mengeluh kata kerja sekolahnya susah.. merajuk sampai tertidur..

Penyudahnya, si emak jugaklah yang tolong buatkan dengan tulisan olok-olok bagi nampak macam kerja budak sekolah rendah..haihh

Anaknya yg seorang itu bangun pagi esoknya tahu-tahu kerja sekolah dah siap. "Wah, magical! camne boleh siap? rasanya malam tadi macam dah tertidur" monolognya dalam hati... 

Banyaklahh kau punya magical..  Kau ingat ini cerita The Elves and Shoemaker ke apa over the night siap segala kerja *pangg sekali baru tau* Tu, mak kau yang tolong buatkan...



*********************


Itu cerita 15-16 tahun lepas.

Rutin itu berakhir masa aku darjah 6. Lepastu dah ke sekolah asrama.



*********************

Present- year 2014


Dear Memory,


It was 10pm on Monday night when I was still busy in the office finishing piles of long-listed outstanding stuff (gituhh  masuk2 introduction terus English berhabuk puii).

Esoknya cuti Hari Malaysia dan orang pergi bersuka ria malam tu, tapi aku? Oh, aku bersuka ria kt ofis tu.

The past two weeks has been very hectic, staying back late at night back to back for straight two weeks just to finish up some paper to the management was definitely not awesome at all.

Tengah duk merenung nasib tu, tiba-tiba memori zaman kanak-kanak datang menjengah. Zaman dibebel oleh mak macam kat atas tu.

Jadi aku pun decide nak call emak malam tu nak menceritakan kerja-kerja ku yang masih berlambak and how my habit zaman kecik2 dulu yang slow buat kerja ni might not completely disappeared when I am an adult.


Dan bermulalah bebelan emak bla bla bla bla.....................................................

Aku dah mula tersenyum :) 

Sengaja. Sengaja bagi emak membebel. 

Sengaja bagi emak berleter..


Saat emak mula berleter tu, aku pasangkan loudspeaker henfon dan pejamkan mata sambil hayati setiap apa yang emak kata.. 

Aku pejam mata sambil imagine aku ni masih budak-budak yang dileter emaknya..

Kanak-kanak tak cukup umur  macam 15-16 tahun lepas.

Bezanya, dulu buat endah tak endah je. Sekarang, dengar betul2 dan ambil setiap butir kata tu sebagai nasihat dan panduan.

Indah.

Rindu.


Siapa sangka benda yang kita buat endah tak endah dulu adalah benda yang paling kita rindu sekarang.


Ubat.


Hilang lelah dua minggu.








p/s: Malam tu berkali-kali emak pesan suruh buat kerja cergas sikit kt ofis tu, jangan berlengah-lengah, nanti lambat siap. Just like 15-16 years ago :)

p/s2: Post ini tidak berniat untuk buat siapa2 rasa sedih..

Thursday, 18 September 2014

#80: Let it go~!





It must be hurt to be accused with something that we did not do right? Anyway, people talk and talk and nothing we can do about it.

For things we cannot control, just let it go ..(let it go~ let it go~ bak kata Elsa dalam Frozen) 
Only focus on things in our circle of influence/control i.e. things we can control... like eating cinnamon sugar pretzel or famous amos ;p

Hmm, anyway.. Last Monday night I called mum. I was in the office that night. Stayed a bit late considering the fact that the next day was a public holiday...(nerd!)  Something about the conversation between me and my mum I feel like sharing over here in Memory...

But for that to happen..how about wait until I have time for the next post?

Amacam? annoying tak? :p haha

Ok, promise. I think the story will have a valuable lesson to all.

Until then, Ma'as Salamah ~!

Sunday, 14 September 2014

#79: Update

Update setakat pukul 2.43pm, 14 September 2014 tentang rancangan dalam post blog semalam.

GAGAL.

Punyalah hujan renyai-renyai pagi tadi punya sedap sejuk dan nyaman. Memang gagal la plan ke ofis.

Sekarang ni baru sampai ofis dan nak mula kerja. haihh. Kegagalan betul.

Ok2 now fokus. Siapkan banyak mana yang mampu siapkan harini. Esok tinggal submit je pada manager.

Adios for now!

#78: Saturdate Sept 13th


Dear Memory,


I bought the ticket. Yes THE ticket.

I'm not gonna be so excited about it just yet because everything is uncertain until it happens.

"Harapan adalah kecewa yang dicipta oleh diri sendiri.."

"Tapi harapan juga adalah pendorong untuk terus maju.."


Okay, back to today's story.

Fadzil (Dr Fadzil) & Wany HK's wedding. Both of them are my friends in Kolej K. Kawan lama.
Sorang dulu belajar Medic kat Leeds Uni & lagi sorang study Economics kt Warwick Uni.. Sekarang dah jadi Dr dah Fadzil..wah tahniah.

Today they got married. I am happy for both of them.
Dapat jumpa+terserempak beberapa rakan lama dari kolej K di wedding tadi.  Ada yang masih mengenali ada yang macam ye tak ye je kenal. Hmm. Almaklumlah dah lama tak bertegur sapa. memang awkward tu ada juga.

Kelakarlah. Kolej K macam mimpi yang sepintas lalu je sekarang ni. Yang ada hanyalah memori. Friendship pun seolahnya seperti tinggal memori je. Sedih juga sebenarnya. Uhuk 




Ok point seterusnya,

Alkisahnya Yasir datang KL this week tapi aku tiada dirumah sebab wedding di atas. Terpaksalah tinggal kunci El dan kunci rumah utk dia. Lepas balik pun dapat jumpa sekejap je. :(

Takpelah, pinjam lah El dan merempitlah bersama your wife, spend your weekend together. Dapat jumpa sekejap pun jadi lah. Bangga El dapat berkhidmat untuk dorang. Kihkih


Ok point seterusnya.

Sepatutnya join Pali ke family day tempat kerja parent beliau pagi Sabtu ni tapi terpaksa cancel last minit pun disebabkan reason wedding diatas.

Ampun Pali and family. Berapa kali dah family Pali datang KL tapi belum ada kesempatan nak jumpa. sedihnya.

Sebabnya aku ni dah beberapa kali stay rumah dorang di Pontian Johor tu. Ade lah 3 4 kali. Punyalah muka tak malu. Dah macam kampung and rumah sendiri dibuatnya.. Tapi layanan punyalah baik. family dia pun rasa macam family sendiri... 

(walaupun Pali dah berapa kali hint2 nak kenenkan kakaknya dengan abang aku, siap panggil abang ipar lagi bila jumpa. Ha yang tu macam mana pulak aku nak komen tu.. Lantak komerlah maleh aku nak layan)


Ok point seterusnya. Rancangan pagi esok.

Esok nak ke ofis siapkan Prime boleh? 

Fyi, Prime ni kira KPI la untuk penilaian prestasi sepanjang tahun. Kita tetapkan apa KPI kita dan letak la weightage dan letaklah point yang kita rasa kita deserve.

5 being the highest and 0 the lowest. Tapi lepastu Supervisor jugak yang akan finalised kan benda tu berdasarkan penilaian dorang.

Average KPI di tempat kerja aku tu 3 and above.. kalau dapat 4 tu memang superb dah tu. lebih daripada 4 tu jarang2 sekali la orang dapat. 5 tu lansung mustahil.

Hopefully, Prime aku meningkat tahun ni..sebab aku pun rasa dah ada sedikit perubahan pada prestasi kerja berbanding tahun lepas.

Tahun lepas pun dapat yang cukup cukup makan je..aku belum berpuas hati.
Tapi sebenarnya yang lagi penting, Prime juga yang akan menentukan kadar bonus kita akhir tahun! (bersinar-sinar mata bila dengar pasal bonus.kihkih)

Plus, esok pun nak siapkan kerja yang dah banyak tertangguh disebabkan Paper yang baru naik ke management minggu lepas. Gigih kan pi kerja time weekend. Nak buat camne dik, dah tanggungjawab.


Last but not least,

Hai hai pertunjukan air pancut berwarna warni dan diiringi irama lagu. Malam yang biasanya suram dan sunyi sendiri itu pun boleh bertukar ceria dan meriah berteman. :)

Thank youu thank youu thank youu :)




Frankly speaking, I have never been that honest with anyone else about my past until you really asked  (no one really interested or care anyway so yeah).

It was one sincere conversation.

And for that, I thank you very much. :)




Tuesday, 9 September 2014

#77: Sumber Kekuatan

Dear Memory,

It's been a while since I last wrote something here.. I have been missing you for quite a while now. I know that I am back for now but I don't know when am I going to write as frequent as the early day when I first established you Memory..


Life is getting busier..And things are getting tougher and tougher day by day...

Suddenly I remembered how Dr Eskandar of  International Finance in UIA, always said the same thing over and over again in each classes, with a slightly different connotation.

" Life is not getting any easier.." he said. EVERY time, repetitively.

Being just an undergraduate kid back then, I was too naive to really understand what he actually wanted to say. Of course I understood back then that life has its challenges but, what's the big deal? Just face it and life goes on.

Nope. Its not as simple as that. 
This REAL life is what he meant by that. Life we are all experiencing now. Post-student life aka working life.


And I admit that I am weak, sometimes I fell. 

Aku perlukan kekuatan.


Dan inilah yang  menjadi sumber kekuatanku. Ku pohonkan tiap awal pagi saban hari...




يَا حَيُّ يَا قَيُّوْم بِرَحْمَتِكَ أَسْتَغِيْث أَصْلِحْ لِي شَأْنِي كُلَّه وَلاَ تَكِّلْنِي إلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْن 

 “Wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Hidup dan Berdiri Sendiri, dengan rahmat-Mu, aku memohon pertolongan. Baikilah seluruh urusan hidupku, dan janganlah Engkau serahkan diriku ini kepadaku walau sekelip mata”. 




p/s: Jikalau seluruh urusan hidup ini terletak di bahuku. Nescaya tidak tertanggung lah diri yang lemah ini. Perbaikilah dan permudahkanlah ya Allah. Janganlah Engkau serah diriku ini kepadaku walau sekelip mata. Kepada Mu jua ku serahkan segala urusan.

Sunday, 17 August 2014

76: Yakin

Kalau kita masih pohon doa pada Allah, bermakna kita masih yakin Allah..
 
Tapi saat kau tak pernah lagi memohon apa apa dari Allah, kau rasa engkau masih yakin Allah?

Tak logik.

75: Would you?


“Our life is made up of time; our days are measured in hours, our pay measured by those hours, our knowledge is measured by years. We grab a few quick minutes in our busy day to have a coffee break. We rush back to our desks, we watch the clock, we live by appointments. And yet your time eventually runs out and you wonder in your heart of hearts if those seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years and decades were being spent the best way they possibly could. In other words, if you could change anything, would you?” 

Saturday, 16 August 2014

74: Rants


1. Never promise if you cannot fulfil. That refers to my failure to fulfil my promise in my previous post.

2. Played Futsal with friends on last Wednesday. One of them shared his concern over the divorce rate among his friends and acquiantance. He is thirty and not married yet btw. 

He said that in his twenties he saw a lot of happy couples among his friends and senior got married. But when he was at 27 and 28-ish, he was surprise at the number of these happy couples got into divorce.

He could not understand why. But soon he learned that it was a normal thing as he reached 30. The divorce thingy occurred to his own friends, and MANY of them as well. All of them are educated and kind people.

And he said that that is a normal thing at that age (what the heck?).

Well, that is quite surprising. I was hoping that this will not happen to my friends, or myself for that matter.

And even that also we could not be so sure ourselves.

3. One of my friend just got his first child this week, baby girl. Congrats. I think I am going to visit them on Sunday. Another my husband-and-wife friends went for honeymoon in Australia. Happy honeymoon dear. Can we expect anything soon? :p :p

4. Wedding invitation on Saturday and Sunday, UIA colleagues. InshaAllah will be going there if got company.

5. Finished reading "Where Rainbow Ends" by Cecelia Ahern. Super-awesome. 
Partly because everything in it is very much related to my life.. In fact, everyone's life... That rainbow will not last forever, it will disappear. And even if it disappear, it will reappear again.. And that is the cycle in life.


Life is not fair. But so is everyone else's. So life is fair in that sense.

Maybe in ways we could not immediately apprehend. But eventually, everything will fall into place in the end. Then only will we know what really matters..

Friday, 1 August 2014

73: Raya 2014

 This year's raya was really awesome and exciting.. Im gonna share the story here soon, wait for it okay..

Tuesday, 29 July 2014

72: Where rainbows end

Life is funny, isn't it? Just when you think you've got it all figured out, just when you finally begin to plan something, get excited about it and feel like you know what direction you're heading in, the paths change, the signs change, the wind blows the other way, north is suddenly south, and east is west and you're lost.

Friday, 18 July 2014

#71: MH17

Walaupun penat, tapi takk boleh nak lelapkan mata sebab memikirkan nasib mangsa, MAS dan Malaysia secara amnya selepas tragedi #MH17 ni.

Dulu #MH370 sekarang #MH17 pulak. :'(

Kenapa macam ni..Kesian Malaysia..Kesian pemimpin pemimpin negara, kena tenangkan rakyat, pada masa yg sama kena cari jalan penyelesaian juga..

Menitis jugakla air mata sebelum tidur ni.. (boleh tak? Drama sgt)..dan aku tak pasti sebab apa.. mungkin sebab cintaku pada negara ini..

Ahh.. tidurlah

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

70: Of Little Preference


Remember the era when YM was The Trend of the teenagers? (YM being Yahoo Messenger)

Yes, this is my favourite default font and the colour has to be just like this one, Indigo.

 And the size of the font has to be 11, not too big  like12 or too small like 10. 

It has to be just like that. Then only it will be perfect! Then only will I start the chatting! If not, I will not have the mood to chat. Ha Ha How weird those days!


What type of font is this..you go find out yourself and tell me, ok?

69: Bukan semua..


" Janganlah terlalu angkuh dan bongkak dengan pendirian sendiri..usah terlalu melebih lebih dalam perihal harini ini.. dan menghukum dan menyalahkan semua yang lain...Lalu kau tentang pihak yang satu itu sehabis habis nya.. dan nafi kebenarannya sehabis daya.."


Kerana bukan semua pendirian kita hari ini akan relevan selama- lamanya...

Umur kau 9 tahun, kau rasa rancangan kartun di televisiyen itu seronok. Umur engkau 24 tahun,  langsung kau tak pandang kartun, malah berasa leceh si adik adik kecil berebut TV utk cerita kartun.. "Aishh apalah yang seronoknya kartun tu.." kata kau. Kau lupa engkau pernah seperti mereka, masa itu apa kau rasa?

Bila kau berada dalam kumpulan A, kau rasa semua kumpulan B, C, D, E, semuanya tak betul... Tapi bila kau mendapat kawan baik dari kumpulan F, dan rupanya dia tidak lah seburuk yang disangka, engkau rasa bukan hanya kumpulan A yang betul..

Harini ini kau rasa kau cinta. Kau sanjung si dia sepenuh penuhnya.. Kau bawa megah dia ke hulu ke hilir benua.. Kau kata dunia ini milik kita..
Tapi bila kau kenal siapa sebenarnya dia, tiba-tiba cinta jadi tak suka.. Dialah orang yang kau benci sebencinya..  mengapa?

Begitu juga orang yang paling kau benci boleh jadi orang yang paling kau sayang secara tiba-tiba..

Dulu emak pesan usah nakal nakal, belajar rajin- rajin...kau memberontak. Tak mahu. Kini sudah dewasa, itu jugalah pesan engkau pada adik-adik dan bangsa...

Mengapa?

Kerana apa yang kita rasa hari ini belum pasti relevan untuk selama-lamanya..

Kita ada masa..usia..rasa.. dan hakikat di tengah tengahnya... yang boleh ubah suka kepada duka, mereka kepada kita.. dan salah kepada benar..

Jadi bersederhanalah..

68: We Will Not Go Down (Gaza) - Michael Heart - OFFICIAL VIDEO

Let this be my lullaby song every night..






                                                We Will Not Go Down (Song For Gaza)"


A blinding flash of white light
Lit up the sky over Gaza tonight
People running for cover
Not knowing whether they're dead or alive

They came with their tanks and their planes
With ravaging fiery flames
And nothing remains
Just a voice rising up in the smoky haze

We will not go down
In the night, without a fight
You can burn up our mosques and our homes and our schools
But our spirit will never die
We will not go down
In Gaza tonight

Women and children alike
Murdered and massacred night after night
While the so-called leaders of countries afar
Debated on who's wrong or right

But their powerless words were in vain
And the bombs fell down like acid rain
But through the tears and the blood and the pain
You can still hear that voice through the smoky haze

We will not go down
In the night, without a fight
You can burn up our mosques and our homes and our schools
But our spirit will never die
We will not go down
In Gaza tonight

We will not go down
In the night, without a fight
You can burn up our mosques and our homes and our schools
But our spirit will never die
We will not go down
In the night, without a fight
We will not go down
In Gaza tonight

Friday, 11 July 2014

67:

Oh Allah, I dont even have the strength to look at the TV that shows children and women crying for their loved ones..

They are just KIDS for god sake you monster! Why on earth do you let them suffer?!

Allahuakbar...

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

66: Left abandoned


Yeay, this blog has been left abandoned for about more than a month already! Yeay!

*sigh T____T''

Day in day out, it has been one year and half since I first entered into working life.

So much to say, there are ups and downs  at work, but life goes on...

Now we are in the month of Ramadhan, month of blessing.

And also month of world cup, Brazil has been defeated by Germany by 1-7 in their home ground!

But worst of all is what is happening to our brothers and sisters in Palestine..brutally killed and bombed, ladies and kids.

But the world and the media are silent. I cannot brain this! How come ones tolerate with an inhumane acts by Israelis when at the same time you claimed that you are promoting peace, no racism and all. This is Bullsh*t!


To be honest, one of my weakness is I could not look at blood, or flesh results from brutal injury, accident or act of killing be it in the TV or movie, let alone in real life!

I could easily feel drowsy and throw up!

Plus, I noticed even since my secondary school when I watched the video of our brothers and sisters being killed or injustice that occurred in their country, I usually ended up in tears so easily.

Today I avoid looking at all of those not because I dont care but because I know for sure that it would not end up good for me.

"Ya Allah tolonglah saudara saudara ku di Palestine Ya Allah, dan Kau hancurkanlah Israel laknatullah itu dengan kekuasaan Mu, kepada Mu sahajalah kami berserah.. Ameen"

Wednesday, 28 May 2014

#65: MRI result




Dear Memory,

As promised semalam MRI result was out. Nervous juga menantikan result tu...

There are four ligaments that connect and hinge the upper bone (Femur) and lower bone (Tibia) at our leg. (Ahh Biologi tingkatan 5 sangatt)

1. Medial Collateral Ligament (MCL)
2. Lateral Collateral Ligament (LCL)
3. Posterior Cruciate Ligament (PCL)
4. Anterior Cruciate Ligament (ACL)

*please refer at the diagram

Doctor carefully explained that two my of meniscus were ok (MCL and LCL are two ligaments at the side of Femur and Tibia)

Then he moved on to posterior cruciate ligament (PCL), everything was good and sound until the last part..

"However, when we look at the MRI image of the ACL....(jantung dah berdegup kencang dah).. there are some distortions at the fibers of its tibial attachments, where the MRI image at that part is not as dark/black and solid as it is supposed to be.. there were distortions, which could possibly signaled that there are partial tears at the ligament.."

Ah sudah...


T_T


Imej lutut kanan aku drpd imbasan MRI. Imbasan ACL (bulatan kuning) menunjukkan warna kelabu/ tak legap, menunjukkan ada koyakan. Normal ACL sepatutnya berwarna hitam legap solid seperti imbasan pada otot (bulatan merah)


Partial Tear at the ACL


Conclusion of the MRI


Then the doctor said, normally for partial tear we have options whether to do the operation/surgery or not. If it is a minor one, it could heal by itself but if it worsen, surgery has to be made. Therefore, before making any clinical judgement, the doctor asked me to rest for 4 weeks before coming again for clinical judgement to be made.

Any outcome after 4 weeks will determine whether I have to do the surgery or not.

Dan aku berdoa sangat-sangat Kau jauhkanlah aku daripada segala surgery bagai ini, sebab kalau dah surgery of course ability dah bukan like manusia normal, pasti ada side effect. ahh sedihnyaa T_T

Namun, aku masih bersyukur sebab dia bukan full tear, which means memang confirm confirm kena surgery.

Adeh, so cancel la segala tournament futsal yang aku dah sign up for untuk sebulan ni. Doctor cakap the tear could be worst kalau aku lasak sangat. T__T

Tapi nak main badminton boleh kan? kan? tak pakai kaki sangat.

So esok aku akan teruskan aktiviti badminton weekly aku, tapi dengan lebih berhati-hati sikit kot untuk lutut kanan aku ni. Hmm




p/s: kalau mak tau ni habis ni...
p/s: harapnya sharing pasal ilmu biologi ni bermanfaat pada yg membaca..sbg panduan di masa depan

Tuesday, 27 May 2014

#64: Post MRI



Medical MRI scanner

Pernah nampak machine yang macam di atas tu?

Ya. Pernah. Saya pun pernah. Kat dalam movie movie atau rancangan tv yang selalu kita tengok bila dia nak scan badan orang tu.

Never thought I would be using that. Look scary thou.

But that was what I was experiencing yesterday. Masuk dalam benda tu...  -__-"


**********


Dear Memory,

Yesterday was a new experience to me.

Ini berikutan satu musibah yang menimpa lutut kananku (baca item no 4 post ini)


Tiba-tiba aku teringat pada kata-kata ilmuan Prof Hamka:

"Kesihatan adalah kekayaan yang sebenar-benarnya...kekayaan yang tiada tolok bandingannya.."

Jika diteliti memang benar segala apa yang dikata itu, bayangkanlah jikalau memiliki wang yang banyak rumah besar sekalipun sekalipun, namun jika badan tidak sihat..apa yang ingin dinikmati, apa yang boleh dikerjakan.

Pagi ni ada appointment doctor untuk outcome/result kpd MRI semalam. Doakan agar nothing serious dan tak perlukan apa-apa operation. Harap-harapnya begitu lah..

Nantikan update untuk keputusan MRI tu kemudian. Ok nak gerak ke hospital sekarang, daaa~



p/s: Hospital KPJ Tawakkal, kat bulatan Pahang.


Friday, 16 May 2014

#62: Teman Sebuah Perjalanan


"Ar-Rafiq Qabla Thariiq" bermaksud memilih teman harus didahulukan sebelum melalui perjalanan



Dear Memory,

Yesterday (15/5/2014) was a very wonderful day if not an awkward one (why awkward? I'll tell u why later).

For the first time Yasir dan Najwa menjejakkan kaki ke rumahku di Seri Iskandar, Perak. Kebetulan mereka pulang bermalam di Ipoh (rumah Yasir) malam sebelum tu.

Hajatnya mereka saja datang untuk menziarahku disini. (Senanglah datang kenduri kahwin kalau dah tau lokasi rumahku. Eh) 

Kebetulan sekolah kami, SMKA Sultan Azlan Shah, memang betul-betul berdekatan dengan rumahku hanya 1.5 km sekangkang kera je, jadi Yasir ambil kesempatan untuk datang sekolah jumpa cikgu-cikgu untuk jemputan bagi majlis pada 1 Jun nanti. Maka menziarah lah kami, aku, Yasir dan Najwa ke sekolah lama kitorang. (tapi lupa tangkap gambar depan sekolah *sigh)

Disebabkan aku menemankan mereka berdua, jadi bertubi-tubi jugalah cikgu-cikgu yang kitorang jumpa menempiaskan soalan "mereka berdua sudah..awak bila lagi?" "eh yang lagi sorang ni, kenapa tak bawak bini?"

T__________________T memang down habislah.. aku hanya mampu tersenyum tawar dan kelat sahaja.. Apa boleh buat, belum lagi menemui dan belum lagi masanya mungkin.. InshaAllah ada rezeki ada lah tu...


Sebelum tu, secara ringkas perjalanan aktiviti semalam is as follows:

11.30am - Yasir & Najwa sampai dirumah, minum-minum dan sembang-sembang beramah mesra
12.00pm - Bertolak ke SMKA Sultan Azlan Shah, Seri Iskandar
12.05pm - Dah sampai sekolah. Dekat tak dekatnye dengan rumah 5 minit sampai. Masa ni duk mengimbas segala kenangan zaman sekolah, kat semua lokasi ada kenangan dari Asrama, masjid, tapak perhimpunan dan kelas. Najwa duk melagut la dengar kami sembang, tergelak juga bila bukak kisah lama lama ni. haha

1.30pm- Patah balik ke rumah aku untuk makan tengahari. Terima kasih emak sebab masakkan. Lama mak tunggu ingat kitorang balik pukul satu. Dahla emak tengah puasa, tak dapat rasa makanan tu. Tapi as always, emak memang awesome, tak dapat rasa pun tempoyak ikan patin emak tu still sedap.

Lepas makan patutnya diorang ni nak ke Ipoh semula, tapi sembang punya sembang, emak suggestkan pegi ke Teluk Batik and Lumut, makan angin di tepi pantai.. Sebab tengahari still panas kitorang decide pegi lewat sikit dalam lepas Asar..

So sementara menanti Asar eloklah kalau masing-masing berehat dulu baring/tidur ke, aku pun dah ngantuk time tu.. So aku pegi lah prepare bilik untuk diorang ni berehat. Tapi yang lawaknya aku pegi prepare satu bilik untuk Yasir and satu lagi bilik untuk Najwa, boleh pulak aku terlupa yang dorang ni dah suami isteri, tidur pun dah satu bilik, yang aku ni ape hal nak asing-asingkan dorang, gelak je dorang tengok aku..hahaha (slow betul aku time tu, adeh)

4.30pm- Kitorang pun bergeraklah ke pantai Teluk Batik/Lumut yang ambil masa lebih kurang 50 minit. Jalan-jalan tepi pantai, makan aiskrim, tangkap gambar kenangan..
7.00pm- Pulang ke rumah aku semula

Nak dijadikan cerita memang taubat dah aku dah taknak jadi teman orang ketiga bagi pasangan yang baru kahwin. Awkwarddd gilaaaa baqhang! Kalau ada 4 orang mungkin okay lagi la..Tapi kalau 3 orang dan kau sorang2 je memang awkward okkayy!

Bukan apa, in a way aku bersyukur sebab dorang datang rumah aku, tak ramai kawan baik yang pernah datang rumah aku ni sebab jauh, kalau kat kampung memang takde geng sebab kawan jauh jauh semuanya..syukur sangat dorang datang mainly bcoz dapat aku share sebahagian besar cerita family aku pada dorang.. memang terisi sangat masa semalam..

Tapi yang awkwardnya bukan apa sebagai orang ketiga, si pengantin ni terpaksa sesuai dan adjustkan panggilan manja sesama dorang (najwa and yasir) dan panggilan sesama kawan (yasir & aku and najwa & aku) kadang-kadang sampai mixed up..hahaha siapa yang sayang, siapa yang saya-awak, siapa yang aku-kau. hahaha.. bersalah sangat aku rasa time tu..

Actually benda tu normal antara suami isteri, menunjukkan keintiman masing-masing secara natural..(walaupun aku ada depan dorang haha)  Sekali lagi aku tegaskan itu tidak salah, malah memang bagus pun.. Cuma aku ni la yang terasa awkward dan pengacau kehidupan sweet muweet dorang..

Ada lah beberapa scene (tak perlulah aku mentionkan specifically kat sini) yang aku terpaksa buat-buat tak nampak dan berlagak cool walaupun muka aku ni rasa dah merah padam menahan blushing.. hahaha terasa nak lari cepat-cepat dari situ.  Dah tobat dah nak temankan dorang sorang-sorang..So nasihat aku janganlah lah menyibuk or temankan pengantin sorang sorang okay.. 

Dan semalam aku cubalah jadi photographer utk capture moment-moment sweet dorang..

I am happy for you guys, may Allah bless your marriage and your married life. Semoga bahagia hingga ke Syurga ;')











p/s: faham kan kenapa aku kata awkwardd? -_-'

Thursday, 15 May 2014

#61: Catatan peristiwa

Dear Memory,

I was on my 1 week-vacation when I wrote this entry.

9th-18th May 2014.

Cuti kahwin yang paling panjang pernah aku ambil untuk tahun ni. 

Sebenarnya banyak perkara yang berlaku dalam dua tiga minggu sebelum bercuti. Dan perkara-perkara ni bertimpa-timpa sampai rasa lemas dan lemah dibuatnya. Itu yang aku rasakan memang masa yang sesuai untuk lari dari office sekejap. Biarlah, kerja tu sampai bila-bila pun takkan habis.

Sini biar ku listkan antara perkara yang menimpa diri ini sepanjang sebelum cuti:


1. 26 April 2014 (Sabtu)
 Jatuh motor di Bangi, selepas tournament futsal bersama rakan sekolah. Balik merempit time maghrib yg gelap+tarik brek depan emergency+jalan berpasir+ jalan basah selepas hujan= memang combination yang sesuai untuk motor tu sliding atas jalan dan aku pulak sliding meniarap disisi motor bak superman. 

Kalau pakai attire macam dalam perlumbaan dalam litar tu takpe jugak takdelah badan tersagat atas jalan..Ini memang takde. Alkisahnya habis dua-dua belah tangan luka dan calar balar sebab nak tampan badan atas jalan tu.. Memancut mancut jugak darah sampai menitik-nitik.

Alkisahnya takde orang yang tolong kat jalan sunyi time malam gelap tu, tapi motor masih mampu lagi berfungsi, cuma calar pada cover motor je.. So dengan darah yang menitik2 tu kugagahkan jua merempit balik ke Taman Melati yang ambil masa dalam 40 minit.. So dengan luka yang terdedah dan darah menitik + angin malam + hujan rintik rintik + perjalanan 40 minit = Luka itu bagaikan disiat-siat, diperah air limau, diletak garam, dihiris pula luka tu...berdenyut-denyut rasanya menahan pedih luka tu selama setengah jam sampai di rumah Taman Melati.

Housemate semua terkejut tengok aku balik berdarah-darah, terus tolong cucikan luka dan hantar aku ke klinik. Untuk ini aku harus berterima kasih pada Herman dan Pali. Moga Allah balas jasa baik kalian.
Lepas aku sampai klinik baru tahu dalam juga luka di kaki aku tu..sampai tercabut kulit.

Tak boleh nak proper pakai sandal apetah lagi kasut. So Isnin tu adalah kali pertama aku MC selepas bekerja selama setahun 3 bulan ni. Susah aku ni nak saja saja MC.

Alhamdulillah sekarang luka dah kering. Tunggu replace dengan kulit baru je. Namun, aku masih tidak serik naik motor, hahaha. Barulah adventurous.


2. Minggu selepas jatuh motor- Kerja.

Peristiwa kedua ni aku malas nak ulas panjang. Ia menyesakkan dada. Ia bersangkut paut dengan ehwal kerja. Dipendekkan cerita disebabkan cara kerja aku yang dikatakan agak lambat dan tak pandai manage, aku dihalau keluar oleh bos besar daripada handle satu kes yang besar lagi penting ni. Memang marah betul dia sampai kena keluar dari bilik dia. Aduhai. yang ini memang betul betul dugaan, dengan kaki aku yang terhingkut-hingkut lepas jatuh motor prestasi kerja seolah-olah tercalar. Memang down betul masa tu, lepas seorang seorang bos panggil dan dimarahi.. Ah kukentalkan jua hati ini. Benda dah lepas nak buat macam mana.. dua minggu memang murung dan busy betul aku di ofis, tak sempat nak bertegur sapa pun dengan rakan-rakan ofis. Ofismate yang memahami situasi aku tu pun takut nak tegur, sebab aku tengah busy setelkan kes ni. Terus hilang senyuman dari wajah yang manis ini. (ceh). 

Rentetan itu, keluarlah tweet-tweet duka aku di twitter.. Itu jelah mampu. nak ceritakan semua pun takde yang akan faham dengan kerja aku ni.. balik rumah pun tidur tak lena memikirkan hal tu. Pendek cerita memang serabut dan sesak jiwa dua minggu time tu. Haihh. Tapi alhamdulillah minggu sebelum cuti haritu perkara ni selesai.. Case closed. Memang nak sujud syukur rasanya.. Moga aku belajar dari kesilapan ini, dan lebih kental dimasa akan datang.


3. Demam, batuk, selsema, sakit tekak.
Nak tau apa yang lebih menyeronokkan? disamping peritiwa 1 dan 2 di atas, time tu jugaklah macam-macam penyakit datang..dan aku tak boleh nak MC sebab tengah handle case kat perkara No 2 kat atas tu. Memang kifarah dosa betul aku rasa time tu..banyak benor dosa gamaknya..


4. Ni paling sedih -> Tak boleh main futsal sebab lutut kanan injured (Doctor suspect mungkin ligamen putus) 

Ini tak bersangkut paut dengan jatuh motor kat atas. Kebetulan aku dapat injury ni time main futsal sebelum eksiden tu..senang cerita kaki kanan aku tak boleh sepak bola dah sebab efek dia lutut akan sakit macam tercabut tempurung lutut. Dan kaki tak boleh nak betul betul diluruskan time rukuk waktu solat.

Pergi klinik biasa Doktor cakap tak boleh buat sebab benda ni kena refer pada pakar atau specialist..Dia kena scan untuk tengok segala ligamen, otot atau tulang. And dia suspect ligamen ACL aku di lutut kanan dah putus or terkoyak.. Huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Kalau teori di atas ni betul, maka aku kena buat operation untuk betulkan ligamen tersebut dan kesan dia kena rehat dari aktiviti lasak  bmain futsal untuk tempoh berbulan-bulan lamanya.. Ommaaa tidakk. Futsal is my passion and cara aku nak release stress. kalau betul lah ligamen putus apa lagi motivation aku untuk teruskan hidup? Bini nak motivate takde lagi (gituh nak exaggerate setiap benda)

Tapi as of now aku belum lagi jumpa specialist, sebab tengah bercuti kat rumah, Its better for me to make appointment dengan specialist dekat KL sebab senang nak follow up nanti..So lepas balik KL nanti baru nak jumpa specialist tengok kan lutut kiri ku ini


Inilah secara ringkas what I have been thru for the past 3-4 weeks.. Sungguh mencabar jiwa.
Sampai disini dulu..belum masuk kisah bercuti lagi ni. Takpe stop dulu, kalau boleh kumahu lupakan segala-gala yang terjadi sebelum cuti dulu especially part kerja tu..biarlah aku start fresh bila dah start kerja balik nanti.. Takpe hidup must go on.. Usah dwell on the past, sebab nanti sampai bila bila pun tak boleh maju ke hadapan.. Pilih masa depan kita sendiri..


Wednesday, 14 May 2014

#60:

Dear Memory,

Lama rasanya tak menulis by heart macam awal-awal dulu. Saat keyboard ini ditekan aku sedang berada di rumah kampung halaman bersama keluarga tercinta. Hewhew.

Wahh bestnyaa! Gembira tak terkata!

Tambahan pula aku extend cuti hujung sampai Isnin. Kalau anda nak tahu, Isnin adalah hari paling panjang dalam seminggu kalau anda bekerja, tak caya tanyalah saya.

Dan pagi Isnin adalah scene yg penuh kemurungan, depressed dan kesuraman di wajah wajah rakan - rakan ofis. Mood nya seperti esok ada exam tapi hari ini belum study lagi.Serupa zombi lagaknya. (Walhal zombi pun lebih comel pada hemat ku. Eh?)

Berlainan pula dengan suasana pagi Jumaat, masing-masing pemurah dengan senyuman. Datang ofis umpama pergi ke vacation di sebuah pulau peranginan yang mempunyai pantai-pantai indah, air laut yang lagi jernih. Masing-masing muka bahagia.


*******************************

Ok post atas ni telah ditaip separuh jalan masa balik kampung 19-20 April dulu tapi tak published, maintain kat draft je.. so alang alang dah bersarang kat draft kita post jela walaupun cerita tak habis.

Sekarang ni dah balik ke kampung semula 13-16 May inshaAllah. Haihh dah agak dah mesti bersarang punya ini blog.. nanti kita create post lain pulak eh, sementara tengah cuti ni, banyak cerita sebenarnya tapi malas..hehehe

Ok challo bubye lullaby

Sunday, 20 April 2014

#59: The Road Not Taken VS Carpe Diem!

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both 
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5 

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10 

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15 

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 20

All this while I think I have misinterpreted the meaning of the poem . Rather than a road less traveled by, the theme of the poem is really about a lost opportunity, something that is very much related in my life as well. 

The key point to highlight is that the poem is about dilemma, one that we instantly recognize because each of us encounters it innumerable times, both literally and figuratively. Paths in the woods and forks in roads are  metaphors for the lifeline, its crises and decisions. Identical forks, in particular, symbolize for us the nexus of free will and fate: We are free to choose, but we do not really know beforehand what we are choosing between. Our route is, thus, determined by an accretion of choice and chance, and it is impossible to separate the two. 

And decision and choice that we made today will inevitably lead to another, leaving us wondering how would our life be had we chosen the other decision in the beginning. But the nature of the decision is such that there is no Right Path—just the chosen path and the other path. What are sighed by the author for ages and ages hence are not so much the wrong decisions as the moments of decision themselves—moments that mark the passing of a life. This is the more primal strain of remorse.

So Carpe Diem! (seize the day!)

For further thorough analysis of the poem, please read below.

Commentary

This has got to be among the best-known, most-often-misunderstood poems on the planet. Several generations of careless readers have turned it into a piece of Hallmark happy-graduation-son, seize-the-future puffery. Cursed with a perfect marriage of form and content, arresting phrase wrought from simple words, and resonant metaphor, it seems as if “The Road Not Taken” gets memorized without really being read. For this it has died the cliché’s un-death of trivial immortality.
But you yourself can resurrect it from zombie-hood by reading it—not with imagination, even, but simply with accuracy. Of the two roads the speaker says “the passing there / Had worn them really about the same.” In fact, both roads “that morning lay / In leaves no step had trodden black.” Meaning: Neither of the roads is less traveled by. These are the facts; we cannot justifiably ignore the reverberations they send through the easy aphorisms of the last two stanzas.
One of the attractions of the poem is its archetypal dilemma, one that we instantly recognize because each of us encounters it innumerable times, both literally and figuratively. Paths in the woods and forks in roads are ancient and deep-seated metaphors for the lifeline, its crises and decisions. Identical forks, in particular, symbolize for us the nexus of free will and fate: We are free to choose, but we do not really know beforehand what we are choosing between. Our route is, thus, determined by an accretion of choice and chance, and it is impossible to separate the two.
This poem does not advise. It does not say, “When you come to a fork in the road, study the footprints and take the road less traveled by” (or even, as Yogi Berra enigmatically quipped, “When you come to a fork in the road, take it”). Frost’s focus is more complicated. First, there is no less-traveled road in this poem; it isn’t even an option. Next, the poem seems more concerned with the question of how the concrete present (yellow woods, grassy roads covered in fallen leaves) will look from a future vantage point.
The ironic tone is inescapable: “I shall be telling this with a sigh / Somewhere ages and ages hence.” The speaker anticipates his own future insincerity—his need, later on in life, to rearrange the facts and inject a dose of Lone Ranger into the account. He knows that he will be inaccurate, at best, or hypocritical, at worst, when he holds his life up as an example. In fact, he predicts that his future self will betray this moment of decision as if the betrayal were inevitable. This realization is ironic and poignantly pathetic. But the “sigh” is critical. The speaker will not, in his old age, merely gather the youth about him and say, “Do what I did, kiddies. I stuck to my guns, took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” Rather, he may say this, but he will sigh first; for he won’t believe it himself. Somewhere in the back of his mind will remain the image of yellow woods and two equally leafy paths.
Ironic as it is, this is also a poem infused with the anticipation of remorse. Its title is not “The Road Less Traveled” but “The Road Not Taken.” Even as he makes a choice (a choice he is forced to make if does not want to stand forever in the woods, one for which he has no real guide or definitive basis for decision-making), the speaker knows that he will second-guess himself somewhere down the line—or at the very least he will wonder at what is irrevocably lost: the impossible, unknowable Other Path. But the nature of the decision is such that there is no Right Path—just the chosen path and the other path. What are sighed for ages and ages hence are not so much the wrong decisions as the moments of decision themselves—moments that, one atop the other, mark the passing of a life. This is the more primal strain of remorse.
Thus, to add a further level of irony, the theme of the poem may, after all, be “seize the day.” But a more nuanced carpe diem, if you please.